Dark Shadows...

DARK SHADOWS

It's not easy living in the shadow of Iron Man, The Hulk, Captain America, Thor.....

Me looking goofy, not even posing properly. Photo by Tamara and Brian, also seeing Dark Shadows.

            I must say right off the bat that I’m not a huge Tim Burton fan. I thought Sleepy Hollow was a hoot, but the director has yet to balance humor and grotesque violence so well. Fat-budget remakes are his game now apparently. His newest critical wet noodle is just that: a big budget remake.

            There isn’t anything new or original about it, though. Dark Shadows is your typical Tim Burton affair: haunting atmosphere brought to life by elaborate set decoration and outlandish characters. Once you get to the heart of this cheesy horror flick, you’ll realize it’s like a vampire’s: cold and dead.

            Well, hold on, let’s back up. I will admit I was laughing, smitten by the hilariously satiric way they portrayed the 1970s, but that feeling faded. The story doesn’t hold up and characters start to feel like vehicles for their stars. Helena Bonham Carter brings nothing new: just a recognizable face in a ridiculous wig. Not surprisingly, Chloe Grace Moretz is funny and scene-stealing, adding an odd teenage perspective to the happenings of the film. Eva Green does an excellent job playing a villain. I only wish she could have played one with more depth, not just a witch out for revenge. But, what saves the movie from being awful, is Johnny Depp.

            Depp plays Barnabas Collins, a cursed vampire buried in the eighteenth century, only to be resurrected in 1972. He was cursed by his neglected lover who turned out to be a witch. She used her sorcery to turn him into a vampire, and buried him alive. Don't you hate when that happens? Barnabas sure does. Johnny Depp does an excellent job bringing his frustration to life. 

            Anyone surprised? He really does an excellent job playing the vampiric fish out of water as an eighteenth century nightwalker in the 70s. His reactions to all the 1970s cultural oddities are pitch-perfect. His obsession with the lava lamp brings multiple laughs. His use of eighteenth century language in a hippie Maine town is priceless. Depp really pulls the vampire thing off. After some poor portrayals of these creatures of the night in past years, it’s nice to see some fresh blood.

            If you’re a Tim Burton or Johnny Depp fan, get out there and see Dark Shadows. In fact, you probably already have. If you’re not, maybe wait until it comes out on DVD or the ol’ Redbox. Johnny Depp is hysterical, but the lack of fantasy action or an inspired script (other than Depp’s dialogue) should maybe keep this one in crypt.

            Side note: Because Dark Shadows is living in the tremendous and dark shadow of the mega blockbuster The Avengers right now, its proposed sequel may never see the light of day…