Magic Mike

MAGIC MIKE

Soderbergh scores a hat trick.

2012: Warner Bros. Pictures

2012, Drama, Rated R

Distributed by Warner Bros. Pictures

          I honestly don't think this film requires a review from me. You must experience it for yourself. Let me lay out why I am extremeley biased toward it, though. Magic Mike's director, Steven Soderbergh, is the director of such impeccable films as Traffic (for which he won the Best Director Academy Award), Erin Brockovich, Sex, Lies, and Video Tape, Solaris, Contagion, Haywire, Ocean's Eleven, etc. The list goes on. All "male stripper movie" notions aside...this is just the next excellent film by Steven Soderbergh. When I say he scored a hat trick I am refering to the fact that Contagion came out last fall, Haywire this past January, and now we get Magic Mike. Three superb films in half a year is quite a feat. Only the brilliant Soderbergh could pull it off.

          Another reason I was amped for this movie was, you guessed it, Channing Tatum. He pretty much made The Vow watchable. 21 Jump Street is the best R-rated comedy in a long time. He also appears in Soderbergh's Haywire (if you haven't seen Haywire, you should) and does a fine job, displaying his diverse acting abilities in all his scenes. Ever since he burst onto the scene he has accumulated pretty much everyone's attention, and rightfully so. He is a total movie star, through and through. Magic Mike is just Tatum's newest platform to show off his star power...and his body.

          So that is why I'm not like most dudes who run screaming like a girl who found a spider in the shower when I hear Magic Mike aka "that male stripper movie". Guys hear about it and go "Ugh, why would I watch that? I'm too manly to watch that. I can't stand watching men disrobe even if it's done artfully and tastefully." Get over yourself. You think women want to see bare breasts in every single R-rated comedy? I doubt it. But there they are, bouncing in everyone's faces, almost every time you watch one. Now it's the men's turn to bounce in your face.

          This is just a great movie, no question about it. It is shot with that same gritty, realistic feel as Traffic, Contagion, and Haywire. Visually, the movie is gorgeous. Every scene that took place outside (every scene that didn't involve stripping) had a harsh pale glow to it, as if the lense of the camera couldn't take all that Florida sunshine. The colors were all a dull yellow or a light brown. It gave the film a unique look. The stripping scenes were less about background color, and more about foreground performace. They were full of elaborate props and sets for the men to dance around. The costumes were (until they were removed) interesting and fit the mood of each themed dance. Visually, the movie is excellent and I have no complaints.

          I really appreciated the use of long, sustained shots in this film. The dialogue was extremely realistic so when you heard it spoken throughout and entire conversation in one sustained shot, you can't help but be impressed. Both the script and the actors' deliveries of the script were perfect. There are many subtle yet superb shots in the film, but you may miss them because you will be so involved in the story.

          The plot of the film is kind of like this: Magic Mike (Tatum) is the best stripper at a male strip joint owned and run by Dallas (Matthew McConaughey). Mike has other jobs, though, and at one of them he meets Adam, played by Alex Pettyfer. This is where comparisons to Boogie Nights find their merit. Adam is basically Mark Wahlberg's character and instead of penetrating the porn business (right word? Yeah, I think it is), he penetrates the male stripper business. Alex is essentially taken under Mike's wing and he, along with the audience, get an uncensored look into that taboo world of male strippers. Alex gets into some trouble with drugs and such and we see the problems and dangers of getting in over your head in any situation.  

          I gotta say it: do yourself a favor and go see Magic Mike. At the very least you will see the film that everyone is talking about. It's a great film, through and through. Every actor, and I mean every actor, turns in a great performance. The cinematography is perfect, the script is deep and involving, and the stripping scenes are, well, pretty much awesome. For me it was hysterical watching those actors strut their stuff on that stage. It doesn't hurt that they are all really good dancers and performers. If you're a girl, well, you probably don't need me to tell you to go see Channing Tatum take off his clothes. This is great movie. Go see it.

          Side note: I didn't go into too much detail about the other actors in the film because they are all equally excellent. I wouldn't know where to start. There's really nothing to complain about in Soderbergh's newest work of art. Also, Soderbergh is the cinematographer for almost all his films including Magic Mike under the alias Peter Andrews.

Seeking A Friend For The End Of The World

SEEKING A FRIEND FOR THE END OF THE WORLD

This apocalyptic romance isn't apocalyptic or romantic enough to justify its existence.

2012: Focus Features

2012, Romantic Comedy, Rated R

Distributed by Focus Features

          I love everything about this movie except the movie itself. As I've mentioned before I adore science fiction. I especially like ascience fiction portrayed with a certain amount of reality preserved. This film, about a depressed guy and a happy-go-lucky English girl on a road trip to find eachother's families before the expected apocalypse, is caught between two worlds. One is that of a raunchy R-rated comedy, and the other is that of a gritty end-of-the-world sci-fi tale. No movie can sit comfortably between the two without feeling uneven. The apocalyptic scenes are dulled down to mere distractions from the romance which can't go too deep because death is on its way.

          As a comedy this movie is rubbish. There are very few scenes that deliver rolling-on-the-floor laughter. Sadly, many of the funniest lines were delivered in the trailers, making them dull and pointless when viewing the whole film. There were a few funny scenes, though, that wern't explored in any previews. One shows some people trying heroin because there's no point in clean living anymore. One character says "Do you have any Radiohead? I wanna do heroin to Radiohead." I thought that was hysterical. I liked the scenes that showed people just letting loose and doing what they felt like doing rather than what society told them to do. A married woman attempts to seduce Steve Carrell's character and he stops her because she is her husband's. She replies by saying "Nobody is anybody's anything anymore." Ideas like that came to light sporadically and they were suprisingly deep and thought-provoking.

          As an apocalyptic end-of-the-world flick it is also a letdown. It's not gritty enough, and there is little sense of danger. The doomed people of Earth in Seeking A Friend are too tame, too reserved; happy even, about the impending disasters to come (a meteor heading for Earth, in case you didn't know). I loved how the film opened with a radio DJ claiming that the last-ditch effort to save mankind, a spaceship called "Deliverence" with twelve scientists and astronauts onboard attempting to save the world when it desintegrates upon entering the meteor's gravity field, had failed. It alludes to something epic, a whole other movie that could take place in the Seeking A Freind universe involving those scientists and astronauts. The world in which the film took place felt bigger than what we saw on screen.

          The casting in the film was pretty spot-on, I must say. Steve Carell sort of plays the same guy he always plays but that's okay because he is great at it. Keira Knightley is excellent only because of her character. Her being British allowed for a heartbreaking plot-point. She can't get home to her family because the last airplane across the Atlantic took off before she could get a ticket. Imagine living the last three weeks of your life thousands of miles from home, knowing you'll never see your family again? It was more thought-provoking material that saved the film from feeling shallow. She delivers an incredible monologue when she finally gets to talk to her family across the pond on a satellite phone. I almost cried...almost. Patton Oswalt has a funny little role that he was great for. Martin Sheen has a not-funny-at-all role at the end that was well-acted. Adam Brody has a funny, although slightly annoying, role as Keira's ex-boyfriend.

          Overall I am definitely going to say skip this in the theater. There's really not much to it in the end. I wouldn't advise you see this in the theater but rather wait until it is on DVD. It is worth a watch but not urgently. It is a nice effort, though, from writer/director Lorene Scafaria and was created on a modest budget in this current bloated-budget film world.

          Side note: There are many odd turns in  theplot throughout the film that didn't sit right with me. The way the movie ends, though, is quite nice. The film pulls no punches in its climax.

Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter

ABRAHAM LINCOLN VAMPIRE HUNTER

Let's talk about animal rights.

Ashamed to do this pose. Photo by Heather.

2012, Historical Horror, Rated R

Distributed by 20th Century Fox

          Timur Bekmambatov, director of Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter, hates animals. Well, he may not hate them, but he likes to kill them digitally in ridiculous ways in his films. His last big action film, the cheesy Angelina Jolie vehicle Wanted, is what the trailers for ALVH used to get us to want to see it. That movie is pretty lame, but the worst part about it occurs in the final act. Millions of rats are equipped with bombs and sent into the bad guy's lair to destroy him and his plans. The audience is treated to the idea that millions of innocent rats were used to thwart some bad guy's plans. It's the goofiest thing you'll see in a movie: multiple shots of poorly animated digital rats running about and blowing themselves up. ALVH contains a scene just as goofy, cheesy, and even more offensive.

          Abraham Lincoln in ALVH becomes a vampire hunter because a vampire killed his mother. That vampire is who he is after, who he has always wanted to vanquish. The scene in which Abe accomplishes this involves horses...many, many digital stampeding horses. There's a whole pack of 'em running wild and the vampire hops on one so Abe follows him into the heard. A battle follows where the vampire hurls whole kicking horses at Abraham Lincoln. It is so much goofier than the digital rats. They both run on the heads and backs of the galloping horses. All the while the audience can only see dust and digital horses through a very shaky camera. I don't understand the appeal of watching innocent animals, very obviously digital innocent animals, get thrown about, hurt, killed, and/or blown up. It's totally tasteless, Timur. Not all action movies need dead animals...or trains.

          Once again we have a crossover with Wanted. That movie had a crazy scene with a digital train about to crash while characters fight and scramble to get off in time. The exact same scene happens in ALVH only it's a steam-powered locamotive at night, crawling with vampires. Abe and his buddies have to kill a whole mess of vamps before the train crashes because a vampire lit the upcoming bridge on fire. During this scene the audience gets to watch a lot of smoke, sparks, and the same ugly digital vampire face coming at the screen.

          If you can't tell already, I really disliked Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter. It is one of worst films of 2012 so far. I really wanted it to be good, I really did. I was an advocate for it for many weeks leading up to its release. People would say that it seemed really dumb and would ask why someone would make a movie like that. I always reminded them that it's based on a book and has an established following. The book is actually supposed to be a great read. Now that I've seen it I know that they were all right. This movie is really bad and should never have been made. As a book I can imagine it being interesting but as a movie it is beyond lame.

          The casting, to begin with, was atrocious. Banjamin Walker played Abe and did so with a monotone voice and no emotion to speak of. I can't blame the actor completely, though, because the script is bad too. The dialogue and his narration were dull and uninviting. Rufus Sewell has never impressed me. He's one of those actors that is perfect for roles like his in ALVH. He's just a shallow villain, standing there looking all menacing. His character was not explored so I guess he played him as best he could. Abe's buddy Joshua Speed is played by Jimmi Simpson, one of the guys in that Always Sunny episode who holds the gang hostage. He does not belong in the 19th century. Every time he was on screen I imagined him licking sweet Dee's face. Mary Elizabeth Winstead is just not a very good actress and didn't seem like she knew how to play Mary Todd-Lincoln. There was one actor in this picture that looked very much like he belonged in 19th century America killing vampires. That was Dominic Cooper portraying Abe's mentor in the vampire slaying arts. The only problem I had with him was his stupidity.

          Let's talk about stupid characters. The movie is bursting at the seams with them. When we first meet Abe's mentor, he is wearing these awesome sunglasses that cover the front and sides of his vision. They are so obviously a vampire's sunglasses. Abe realizes, and the director expects us to not realize until the end, that his mentor is a vampire. Abe starts kicking a screaming like a little girl when he finds out he was lied to. I'm like, You're dumb, dude, who wouldn't know that? Also, when Abe decides to devote his life to vampire slaying, his mentor warns him that he must not learn the vampire slaying ways only for vengeance. He can only kill vampires that his mentor approves of slaying. Abe agrees but, really mentor guy? You really think he's not going to just take what you teach him and use it to avenge his dead mother? And then Abe narrates over it saying that he was lying....obviously, Abe! So many dumb characters in this movie, so many. Abe even has a blond moment at the end. He is president and trying to devise a last-ditch effort to beat the South (backed by vampires) when he picks up a fork and it hits him. He realizes, We need silver, lots and lots of silver! Really? You've been slaying vampires for like 30 years and it took you this long to think silver would destroy an army of vampires? That's the first thing I (never mind a professional vampire hunter) would use!

          The only thing that could have saved this movie would have been excellent action scenes. Even the R rating promises some gory vampire kills. Well, the action was bad: real bad, and repetitive. Every vampire kill was the same. The vampire would jump out and Abe would ax him real quick. The vampires in ALVH look totally human until the second before they bite when their faces go dark and digital and they grow fangs. This led every vampire scene to be a jumpy scene, so in turn every vampire scene was essentially the same. The last thing you would see would be a poorly animated digital fanged vampire face coming at the screen. The action was terrible. Even Abe's unique ax abilities felt lame and underused.

          I'll stop ranting now. All I can say is don't go see this movie. Like most of Timur Bekmambatov's movies (did anyone see The Darkest Hour? Embarrassingly bad.) it is shallow, boring, and moves along with no intelligence or depth. The wonderful Tim Burton also produced this horror action film and you can find out below why I don't like him either!

          Here is Kevin Smith, director of Clerks, talking about his experience dealing with Tim Burton and the Batman and Planet of the Apes films Burton directed. It's pretty hilarious, but you have to listen to the whole story for the punch line to really hit hard. Don't mind the subtitles.

Brave

BRAVE

Pixar's latest is nothing short of breathtaking.

Slinging arrows. Photo by Heather, also seeing Brave.

2012, Animated Adventure, Rated PG

Distributed by Walt Disney Pictures

          Pixar never fails. It's amazing we can say that year after year and it always remains true. They really are the pioneers of modern animated films. Finding Nemo, Toy Story, and many others have become classics for adults and kids alike. Their newest effort, that of the beautifully crafted Brave, delivers on all expectations.

          Pixar's animation is always top notch. We have watched them grow from making toys walk and talk to bringing whole environments, real or fantasy, to life in the span of a couple of hours. They are masters at altering the style of the animation to fit the story being told. It is always evident that hours upon hours of care went into each visual in their films. Brave is no different. It looks more impressive than previous films because everything is wild in the film, untamed. Merida, the reluctant princess meant to marry, has gorgeous fiery red lochs that bounce and sway in total realism. The forest and kingdom are animated with flawless detail and a rigidness that suited the story well. The Scottish landscape is lush and vivid and unlike anything we've ever seen. There were so many complex environments that were displayed with grandeur. Visually, it's one of Pixar's best. 

          The story, though, is really the highpoint of the film. I refuse to give any of it away, however. You simply must go see the film. The trailers did not tell us what the movie is truly about, how the plot moves forward from normal to weird to weirder (but in a good way). Every element of a great animated movie is intertwined into a totally original story about a mother and daughter and the bond between them. It had me and everyone around me in tears by the end of it. Characters are fully realized and Merida's family will soon feel like your own. There is a witch in this story and she too was quite interesting and felt fresh. She didn''t have some tragic back story or anything, she was simply a weird old witch. You'll see what I mean.

          This film arrives with less bravado than some other animated films. But it tells an age-old story about family and the ties between mother and daughter. The film is not sprawling, not epic necessarily, but somewhat quiet, yet powerful nonetheless. It is incredibly sophisticated and says a lot about humanity, especially for a "kids" movie. Go see this film whether you're 4 or 94, you'll enjoy it thoroughly if you have a heart...or a mother.

          Side note: Sorry to make this review so short but I really don't want to give any of the plot away. But...it's Pixar! They're always great and Brave is just another shining example of that. Go see it.

That's My Boy

THAT'S MY BOY

Adam Sandler channels his most obnoxious character yet.

Attempting the Andy Samberg pose. Photo by Heather.

2012, Comedy, Rated R

Distributed by Columbia Pictures

          Adam Sandler is no stranger to flops, especially as of late. His movies in the 90s were priceless, classic, including Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore. Recently, though, he can't find his spot in the comedy scene. People flock to his films, but they are usually poorly received and won't reach classic status like his older films. That's My Boy is no exception, but hey, it's pretty damn funny. And it's rated R, a change for the normally PG-13 Sandler.

          The trailers for this film were so over-played and desperate that it eventually seemed like a flop before it even came out. The recycled jokes involving stretched out New Kids on the Block tattoos, eight-year-olds driving their drunk fathers home from the beach, and Andy Samberg showering in a bathing suit, became so tiresome that the movie suffered for them. All the jokes featured in the trailer were met with total silence in the theater. Luckily this movie is chock-full of gags just like them. It's no 21 Jump Street or Horrible Bosses but it's worth a watch for sure.

          What makes this movie watchable is Adam Sandler. The character he portrays, Donny Berger of Massachusetts who impregnated his teacher in middle school, is his most annoying. Of all the over-the-top characters he has played, Donny is the one you would least like to take to a fancy restaurant. He is loud, annoying, reckless and acts like a kid. After getting his teacher pregnant, he becomes something of a child star so he has never had to work in his life. He is a lazy bum who never paid his taxes. So when he gets threatened with jail time, he decides to crash his son's big-time wedding to try and get the cash. The plot really doesn't matter in a film like this though. It's pretty much a vehicle for the character of Donny Berger.

          Donny is the reason I liked this movie. If you're from New England, or have ever spent some time in Boston, I'm sure you've run into a character like Donny. He has that Boston accent sputtered between uses of "dude" and "guy" and he always has a beer in his hand. I know people like this. As annoying as Sandler is as the exaggerated version of people like Donny, he does an extremely good job of channeling him. I loved how every time he fell over because of a fight or something, he always claimed to not have spilled his beer. I loved how he would produce a beer out of his pocket at the worst of times simply because that's what someone as dumb as Donny would actually do. The scenes where he pleasures himself to a photo of a grandma sort of make sense. I mean, he obviously likes older women. Things that seemed totally stupid actually worked because Donny is totally stupid. And as dumb and annoying as Donny is, you will grow to like him. He is actually charming toward the end. He is a total idiot, but he feels really human. I applaud Sandler for pulling him off so well.

          I've never been a fan of Andy Samberg so he could have been anyone for me. He was okay I guess but he didn't bring much, especially next to the ridiculous Donny. Nick Shwarsden is totally brilliant as always, even with so little screen time. Vanilla Ice plays himself and is actually hysterical in some parts. Susan Sarandon has a pitch-perfect cameo. She plays the older version of a character we meet early on and they look EXACTLY alike. It's weird. James Caan turns in a great little performance as a fighting priest. This movie has star power and they all deliver.

          There are some disgusting plot turns that you might not see coming. One scene shows two characters being even more repulsive than Donny and we get to see Donny be the one who feels uncomfortable. That was a high point in my opinion. Seeing Donny being the one judging rather than being judged was interesting. The plot of the film feels loose, laid back. It's a relaxed and raunchy little film that brings many worthy laughs. Even the baseball scene, which has nothing to do with the plot, was funny as Hell. I gotta say, I liked this movie.

          Who doesn't want to see Adam Sandler succeed after a string of flops? He's lovable, but his characters rarely are. Donny Berger is not lovable at first, but he grows on you. This film didn't seem lovable from the trailers, but, it grows on you. It's not as good as some recent R-rated comedies, but it's definitely worth a watch. I'll even go as far as to suggest a trip to the theater. There are no other R-rated comedies out right now but if that's what you're looking for, That's My Boy is your ticket.

          Side note: Adam Sandler's usual troupe of actors are missing here, which was a total letdown. Except for one. I believe there is a crossover character(s) between this and Grandma's Boy. Dante and Dr. Shakalu make appearances in That's My Boy.

Crooked Arrows

CROOKED ARROWS

Not even Superman can save this poorly acted and poorly written sports drama.

Wish I had face paint...Photo by Heather.

2012, Sports Drama, Rated PG-13

Distributed by Sports Studio

          This movie went totally under the radar. I had no idea it existed until it showed up at my local theater. It makes sense that it's so little known though. It's an independent sports drama about a Native American high school lacrosse team coached by an ex-player. That player is Joe "The Legend" Logan who blew the championship back in '98. He dropped his lacrosse stick and started building casinos on reservations to bring in money. When he finally decides to build on his own reservation, that of the Sunaquat tribe in New York, his father/chief gives him a Spirit Quest before he can grant permission to build. Logan must coach the terrible high school lacrosse team and restore pride to his people. A million sports drama and underdog story cliches follow.

          The first problem with the film is the poor script. The only thing original about it is the subject of lacrosse and the Native American angle. Everything else is cliche and uninspired. It's your standard underdog story that is thrown at the audience with no class or taste. It feels like a straight-to-DVD movie to be honest. The only decent actor in the picture is Brandon Routh, previously filling Superman's tights in Superman Returns, as Logan. He can't save the whole movie though. There are almost no good Native American actors in this film which is a shame. What's even worse is the script, though. Even the best actors in the world would seem lifeless delivering most of the lines in this film. Attempts at raunchy humor, romance, and drama fall totally flat. It ain't no Dances with Wolves.

          The most interesting and worthy part of the film is the lacrosse angle. No film yet has captured the sport so well. I don't think any film has even tried. The increasingly popular sport deserves more Hollywood exposure than this cheesy flick, but it serves well enough. The lacrosse scenes are actually quite impressive and intense. The sport is fast and hard-hitting and every scene showing teams battling it out captures those feelings with exuberance. There were many clever uses of slow motion during the lacrosse scenes that made the film worth a full viewing. I wanted to leave, though, during the scenes involving just dialogue.

          I can't condone a trip to the cinema to see this film. It is definitely not worth admission price. It may be worth a watch on Netflix instant watch or Redbox if you're curious as to how a film can impressively portray lacrosse. Lacrosse and Native American culture are rarely available in mainstream media, so it's nice to see it show up somewhere. I just wish it wasn't here: in this totally awful and cliche sports drama. Avoid it unless you love lacrosse and/or Native American culture.


Rock Of Ages

ROCK OF AGES

Just as good (or bad) as you thought it would be.

2012: Warner Bros./New Line Cinema

        

2012, Rock Musical, Rated PG-13

Warner Bros./New Line

          Rock of Ages is a Broadway musical adapted into a feature film with star power up the wazoo. Tom Cruise, Alec Baldwin, Paul Giamatti, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and Julianne Hough turn in particularly note-worthy performances. It's a rock n' roll musical set in 1987 Hollywood in a club called The Bourbon Room. It tells a love story, along with many other side stories, but characters break out into catchy 80s covers when they want to say something that coincides with the lyrics in the song. It's extremely clever whether you are a fan of 80s music or not, and don't act like you don't recognize almost every single song.
          This is a tough movie to describe with words. I feel like a need a soundtrack for this review. Rock of Ages was everything I wanted it to be. It's ridiculous, over-the-top, and silly as Hell but it knows it. That's the key. You'll realize while watching that the film isn't meant to be taken as seriously as one might think. There are so many winks at the audience basically admitting the whole thing is goofy. But it's really fun along the way. I've had Night Ranger's "Sister Christian" in my head since I left the theater.
       I'm not an 80s guy. I don't own any of the albums that the songs in this movie appeared on. I still was able to practically sing along to every song. Just when the story is getting lame and cliche, a character will start singing "Jukebox Hero" or "Wanted Dead or Alive" and you can't help but get back into it. I guess whether you'll like the movie or not depends on how much you like the music. All the slow songs were boring to me. The love songs mostly between Julianne Hough and Diego Boneta were boring to me. But that's just me.
       This is what I mean by "as good (or bad)". If you saw the trailer and thought "That looks good, I will enjoy that", well then you most likely will. It delivers everything the hype and previews promised. If you saw the trailer and thought "That looks stupid, I don't like Tom Cruise or musicals", well then don't go see it because you will be bored. It's a great and fun movie if you're in the mood for an upbeat musical you can sing along to.
       Paul Giamatti was a particular favorite of mine. He delivers the goods as the sleazy manager of Stacee Jaxx. He is great at playing the creepy, angry guy. He only sings two lines and I was relieved when he stopped. Catherine Zeta-Jones was amazing as the mayor's wife trying to shut down the Bourbon Room with the help of the church. She was throwin' high kicks around like a gymnast. She outdanced her much younger background dancers in almost every song. She was pitch-perfect. Alec Baldwin's character was kind of dopey and lame but he still did a good job, providing a handful of laughs and gags. Russel Brand is okay here. He is toned down a bit, not so loud and annoying. He and Alec Baldwin share some intimate moments that I did not see coming. And then there's Tom Cruise as Stacee Jaxx. I am a self-proclaimed Tom Cruise fan. I think he is an excellent actor and his movies are always fun to watch, sometimes thanks only to him. He absolutely killed this role. He pretty much owns it to the fullest. The only thing lacking was an amazing singing voice, but he still sounded pretty good. Over all this movie is pretty good and Tom Cruise makes it great.
       One cool aspect about the film is incorporated into the singing and dancing routines. While a character is confessing his love or venting frustration through song, the movie cuts to other characters and shows what they are doing as well. It was interesting and helped further the plot while people were singing joyously and breaking out into choreographed dance numbers for five minutes at a time.
       Rock of Ages comes in at two hours and three minutes which feels way too long while you're sitting through one 80s cover after another, but this film is so much fun at the same time. The 80s are depicted with realism and respect and all the actors look right at home. I guess I'll say it again. If you thought it looked good, go see it. If you didn't you should consider it, but I'm not saying you'll like it no matter who you are.

Prometheus

PROMETHEUS

The best sci-fi epic in years has landed.

2012: 20th Century Fox

2012, Science Fiction, Rated R

Distributed by 20th Century Fox

          If you have seen Prometheus and claim to not like it, you probably don't have an affinity to science fiction. I'll let my readers know right now that science fiction is my favorite genre to watch, read, and write, so I am undoubtedly biased toward a film like Prometheus. Watching the trailers in dark theaters I wondered how Ridley Scott penetrated my brain, my thoughts, and drew from what I want in a film and created something I couldn't be more excited to experience. This was my most anticipated movie of the year (well, the summer actually) and it does not fall short of my grandest wishes.

          There is no better word for Prometheus than grand. It is sprawling, yet contained. It is violent, yet restrained. It gives you so much but so little at the same time. When the credits roll, your senses need to recover from the utter bombardment of visual splendor and emotional tension. This is epic science fiction in its most beautifully dark state.

          Prometheus is tied to the Alien universe in interesting, yet indirect, ways. This film can totally be enjoyed by someone who has not seen the original Alien films. It is a standalone piece of art, while also adding to the richness of the Alien saga for those who care to see it enriched. Having said that, I hope you go see it if you don't know the Alien films by heart.

          This film was almost perfect. Again, I really need to stress here how much I love sci-fi. If you don't like science fiction, you should still see it, but you might not like it as much as I did. If questioning your place in the universe has ever given you any emotional tug, you need to experience Prometheus (I need to say this at least once, if you haven't seen 2001: A Space Odyssey, stop reading and go watch it. Only in Prometheus's wildest stasis-induced dreams could it be as epic and thought-provoking as Kubrick and Clarke's 1968 masterpiece). Prometheus is the perfect blend of thinking man's sci-fi, and action-oriented sci-fi.

          I guess I'll start with the visuals. This film displays some of the most gorgeous shots ever to grace the big screen. If dark and otherworldly landscapes and space-scapes interest you, look no further than Prometheus. There are no shots of civilized Earth during the action of the film, which is 2089-2093. The state of the world at the time is not important because it could be any time: we are looking for our beginning. The whole film takes place on the planet LV-223 (not to be confused with the planet LV-446 of the original Alien) and the spaceship called Prometheus. Items and technology on the ship are gorgeously rendered to fit a sleek future in which everything seems to actually have purpose. One sequence, before the crew is awake while David (Michael Fassbender), a humanoid robot, keeps his routine of checking systems and whatnot, displays a visual style I have never seen in a film. He watches the dreams of the crew members while they are in stasis. There is a digital, pixilated sheen to the dream that was incredibly eerie. The planet itself is just as beautiful as the trailer suggested.

          There are other incredibly beautiful images throughout that, if described here, would give away what was so ingeniously kept secret by the trailers and add campaign for the film. My experience of Prometheus was perfect. I don't believe we need to know all the specifics before enjoying a film like this. Just sit back, be awed, and watch as the tension and horror and grandeur unfold before you. Go see it, and see it on the biggest screen you possibly can.

          Okay, this movie isn't perfect. I'm not going to promise the best movie experience ever because you won't get it seeing Prometheus. It is somewhat low on character development. Some characters, while perfectly fit for the oddities of the future in which they live, don't feel real. Interestingly enough, the most attention is given to David the robot, played remarkably by the remarkable Michael Fassbender. Fassbender can do no wrong it seems. He totally puts all other options of A-listers who could have played that role away, and simply owns it. I pray to the Space Jockeys, our makers, that he gets reassembled for the (fingers crossed) sequel. Also, two characters share a demise that has been done in about a million horror movies. They get lost, and they are so lame, nerdy, and unimportant to the story that you can't help but predict exactly what happens to them.

          One other tedious aspect to the film is the unanswered questions. The movie ends quite abruptly, with the fates of two characters left totally unknown. The movie asks age-old questions but never gives the audience any answers. This can be pardoned, however, when considering said questions. Who created man? Where do we come from? Who created whoever created man? And so on. No one has the answers to these question so why do we need to hear those that Ridley Scott's team of writers may have come up with? There is one question left unanswered in regards to the plot that does deserve closure, but we may never get it. Why did our makers want to destroy their creation?

          Everything about Prometheus is top-notch science fiction; a space opera like none other. Actors turn in excellent performances. The cinematography is beautifully grand in scale. The special effects are utterly mesmerizing. The familiar Alien elements bleed through the seams and bulk up what the story is trying to say, planting it firmly in an already-established sci-fi universe. It's better than Avatar, better than Alien, better than any summer blockbuster thus far. Go see it, and see it big.

          Side note: You will be scouring the Internet for connections between Prometheus and the original Alien films. There are hazy, yet incredibly interesting connections to be made. Hopefully a sequel brings more answers and bridges.

          Another side note: This movie is very now. See it now, in the theater, on the biggest screen near you. A few years from today the special effects will seem outdated. 2001 has lasted the decades and still feels fresh today. Prometheus will probably fade from the public eye years before the praise I've given it here suggests.

          My top three has changed. And I'm going to add another top three. You really can't put The Three Stooges in the same top three as Prometheus...

Comedy/Lighthearted:

The Three Stooges

21 Jump Street

Mirror Mirror

Drama/Action:

Prometheus

Chronicle

The Avengers

Snow White And The Huntsman

SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Bad picture for a bad movie. Photo by Rikki, also seeing Snow White.

2012, Action/Fantasy, Rated PG-13

Distributed by Universal Pictures

          This film got a lot of buzz before it was released. For some odd reason, tons of people really wanted to see it and probably still do. Why this mindless summer action pic and not some of the others? The only reason I ask is because this one is actually mindless, actually shallow; no deeper than a Transformers movie but with half-as-impressive digital effects. When it comes down to it I guess it was the dark atmosphere, stellar young cast, and familiar Snow White story that attracted millions to The Huntsman. A big summer Hollywood blockbuster does not need to blow our intellectual minds or make us think too hard, but some do. Battleship and The Avengers are action-packed and have interesting stories and characters. They feel like actual films, not excuses to forget about real life for two hours. Snow White and the Huntsman is all atmosphere, bad acting, and poor pacing.

          How can a two hour and seven minute film feel rushed? See Huntsman and you'll find out. The film really doesn't go any deeper than the trailer does, you just have to sit there for over two hours while it plays out, going from one stock fantasy action scene to another. The troll scene is literally no longer than what we all saw in the trailer. The black army that shatters like glass when struck is no more impressive or purposeful than the digital-effects-laden shots we got in the trailer. Chris Hemsworth is nothing more than a sexy escort which was all that was alluded to in the trailer. Remember that cool shot in the previews when that black monster in the tree spreads its wings seemingly ready to attack? Yeah, that doesn't exist: Snow White is tripping real hard when she sees that. Again, the shot in the trailer is all you see of it. It's pretty much a two hour trailer for the Huntsman I wish I saw when I bought my ticket.

          Let's talk about the good stuff. Charlize Theron is the good stuff, pretty much the only good stuff. Her character in general is incredibly interesting. She is an evil queen who wants eternal youth. She needs to kill Snow White in order to get it. She is so perfectly evil, turning in a truly impressive performance, especially amid such a mediocre film. Every scene with her was elevated to a slightly more watchable level. If you need your Charlize fix though, return to the excellent Young Adult, or wait two days for Prometheus.

          I think Kristen Stewart and Chris Hemsworth were miscast. They're just very recognizable faces, dirtied up to look medieval, but they're still sexy, still mere heartthrobs. You really can't blame them though, the script was weak as well. They didn't have much to work with. I would have done it for the fat paycheck too. One of the coolest parts of the movie is the seven dwarfs. They took seven very famous actors and digitally put their heads on the bodies of little people. It was seamlessly done and I was very impressed. Although I must say, it's offensive to little people actors everywhere. Seven little people played the dwarfs in Mirror Mirror and they all turned in pitch-perfect performances.

          I know most disagree with me on this but I think this movie is really poor. Blockbuster actioners don't have to make you think or anything, but The Avengers and Battleship do, so this looks lame next to them. I even liked Men In Black 3 more than this and that was weak too. The whole thing rushes through the story of Snow White to get to the next dark, atmospheric visual or background. It's like an essay on an exciting topic with no transition sentences.

          Side note: Seriously though, Prometheus comes out in two days...

High School

HIGH SCHOOL

It'll get you high, man, or at least make you laugh like you are.

2010: Anchor Bay Films

2010, Comedy, Rated R

Distributed by Anchor Bay Films

          This little independent comedy was made way back in 2010 and has been looking for a distributor ever since. It finally landed one and is getting some theater time now at random locations. If you can catch it, you might want to check it out. It isn't groundbreaking but it is hysterical in some parts, truly original in others.

          The plot follows a valedictorian who decides to take his first hit of pot coincidentally the day before a random school-wide drug test. His grades mean everything to him and he can't let this one foray into inebriation stop him from getting a scholarship to MIT. He teams up with the guy who got him stoned, the biggest stoner/dealer in school, and together they devise a ridiculous plan to contaminate the test results. They bake pot into brownies and get the whole school high at the bake sale the same day. It sounds totally bonkers but the movie is light-hearted enough to pull it off, never taking itself too seriously with such a plot. The lead actors, Matt Bush as Henry the grade-grubber, and Sean Marquette as Travis the stoner, do a great job. The stoner guy is funny but not cliche as many characters in his position in films like this are. The uptight valedictorian is believable and also isn't reduced to cliches. These guys do an excellent job handling a tricky subject matter and keeping it funny throughout, but they couldn't have done it without their superb supporting cast.

          The most random actors show up in this film playing all kinds of roles from deans of schools to psychotic drug dealers. First off is Michael Chiklis playing the Dean. He has hair in this movie and you can barely tell it's him underneath it. His character is so sleazy with his comb over and pretentious attitude and Chiklis played him very well, a source of many laughs. Second is Adrien Brody as Psycho Ed the super-intelligent drug dealer. They say he was a genius until he cracked and used his genius to make the best pot around instead. Adrien Brody is sketchy and creepy with his corn-rows and full body tattoos. He talked to his pet frog and his eye twitched consistently. He was perfectly quirky for the role.

          Another cool part of this movie was the use of subtle digital effects to accentuate the effects of the characters' highs. It was never in-you-face tripping like the end of Easy Rider but more in the background. At one point the clouds in the corner of the frame morphed into faces. It was all to show the viewer what the stoned person was seeing. It was cleverly-done rather than over-done. Also, slow motion was used quite frequently to great effect. It gave the film a modern sheen that wasn't overplayed. 

          The story is totally original and the characters are funny and well-played by their actors. Stoner comedies can be a waste of time, but this one feels more substantial, giving you more than just the giggles. It's a real funny movie and although it may be hard to find, check it out if you get the chance.