Snow White And The Huntsman

SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN

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Bad picture for a bad movie. Photo by Rikki, also seeing Snow White.

2012, Action/Fantasy, Rated PG-13

Distributed by Universal Pictures

          This film got a lot of buzz before it was released. For some odd reason, tons of people really wanted to see it and probably still do. Why this mindless summer action pic and not some of the others? The only reason I ask is because this one is actually mindless, actually shallow; no deeper than a Transformers movie but with half-as-impressive digital effects. When it comes down to it I guess it was the dark atmosphere, stellar young cast, and familiar Snow White story that attracted millions to The Huntsman. A big summer Hollywood blockbuster does not need to blow our intellectual minds or make us think too hard, but some do. Battleship and The Avengers are action-packed and have interesting stories and characters. They feel like actual films, not excuses to forget about real life for two hours. Snow White and the Huntsman is all atmosphere, bad acting, and poor pacing.

          How can a two hour and seven minute film feel rushed? See Huntsman and you'll find out. The film really doesn't go any deeper than the trailer does, you just have to sit there for over two hours while it plays out, going from one stock fantasy action scene to another. The troll scene is literally no longer than what we all saw in the trailer. The black army that shatters like glass when struck is no more impressive or purposeful than the digital-effects-laden shots we got in the trailer. Chris Hemsworth is nothing more than a sexy escort which was all that was alluded to in the trailer. Remember that cool shot in the previews when that black monster in the tree spreads its wings seemingly ready to attack? Yeah, that doesn't exist: Snow White is tripping real hard when she sees that. Again, the shot in the trailer is all you see of it. It's pretty much a two hour trailer for the Huntsman I wish I saw when I bought my ticket.

          Let's talk about the good stuff. Charlize Theron is the good stuff, pretty much the only good stuff. Her character in general is incredibly interesting. She is an evil queen who wants eternal youth. She needs to kill Snow White in order to get it. She is so perfectly evil, turning in a truly impressive performance, especially amid such a mediocre film. Every scene with her was elevated to a slightly more watchable level. If you need your Charlize fix though, return to the excellent Young Adult, or wait two days for Prometheus.

          I think Kristen Stewart and Chris Hemsworth were miscast. They're just very recognizable faces, dirtied up to look medieval, but they're still sexy, still mere heartthrobs. You really can't blame them though, the script was weak as well. They didn't have much to work with. I would have done it for the fat paycheck too. One of the coolest parts of the movie is the seven dwarfs. They took seven very famous actors and digitally put their heads on the bodies of little people. It was seamlessly done and I was very impressed. Although I must say, it's offensive to little people actors everywhere. Seven little people played the dwarfs in Mirror Mirror and they all turned in pitch-perfect performances.

          I know most disagree with me on this but I think this movie is really poor. Blockbuster actioners don't have to make you think or anything, but The Avengers and Battleship do, so this looks lame next to them. I even liked Men In Black 3 more than this and that was weak too. The whole thing rushes through the story of Snow White to get to the next dark, atmospheric visual or background. It's like an essay on an exciting topic with no transition sentences.

          Side note: Seriously though, Prometheus comes out in two days...