Total Recall

TOTAL RECALL

Total Refund

2012: TriStar Pictures

2012, Science Fiction, Rated PG-13

Distributed by TriStar Pictures

          It seems these days that nothing original hits the theaters. I blame technology and capitalism. Many action movies from decades past have been remade for our high-tech digital world. I don't think these films are remade for any desire to see their stories updated with slick visuals, I think studios are just trying to make money. In the case of this summer's last big action pic, Total Recall, they miscalculated, and won't make their money back.

          This movie is just plain bad. Yes, it's exciting and action-packed, but without an interesting story or intelligent dialogue, it's just one pointless digital action scene after another. Let's talk about the remake aspects of it. The original Total Recall (I also want to point out that this is technically not a remake. The original Total Recall is based on a Phillip K. Dick short story called "We Will Remember it for You Wholesale", so this new one is actually just based on the same story) was set partly on Mars. The new one excludes the Mars trip completely. I believe this would have been a good idea had they replaced Mars with something as interesting. What's left is just another dystopian future on Earth. We've all seen what the makers of Total Recall have to offer in other films. This remake doesn't justify its own existence. One thing I did like was how the world is described before you get a full on visual of what life is like post-21st century. It's a sweeping shot that shows the viewer the true scope of the slums of the future.

          The only redeemable aspects of this film are the little sci-fi scenes done right. There are a few to marvel at in this remake. The world in which our characters live is a post-chemical warfare world. The only inhabitable places are eastern Europe (where the rich people live) and the continent of Australia (where the poor working people live). You can't go anywhere else or you will die. So the future has a massive elevator called "The Fall" that takes people down to the core of the Earth before it brings them up to the other inhabitable continent. What was cool about this was that gravity cuts out for a time at the center of the Earth. The first time this little trick is revealed to the audience, you might think you're watching a scene from 2001: it's that trippy and cool. The end of the film has a great action stunt where Colin Ferrell's Quaid is not strapped in during the gravity loss and starts floating around while he's killing and fighting off guards. It's the best action scene of the film yet it lasts about two minutes. It was also a source of frustration for me. The guards who are pursuing Quaid act like they don't know the gravity was going to cut out and scramble to reach for their floating guns when their feet leave the floor. I feel like highly trained guards would know what they were getting themselves into before they went on their man-hunt. Little silly moments like that ruin films for me.

          Every actor in the film delivers a lazy performance. At least it felt that way, but it could have been because the script was boring a weak as well. Nobody stood out and everyone looked half asleep. They were just there to make some money and star in a huge summer action film. I thought Bryan Cranston as the villain was the worst casting decision in the film. He brought nothing and was barely in it enough to be menacing. Jessica Biel is always good for making a decent action film worse. Kate Beckinsale was okay I guess. She didn't leave any impression (she ain't no Sharon Stone, that's for sure). I liked how she was evil, but then she didn't do anything particularly interesting throughout the film so her bad girl charm wore off. Colin Farrell, whom I usually like in a starring role, was also just okay. There is nothing spectacular about this film. It's all B-movie action and hollow dialogue.

          Side note: Let's consider why this movie stinks. It's directed by the Underworld series director, Len Wisemen. If that doesn't spell out "the action movie you are about to watch will suck" then I don't know what does. The Underworld movies are very cheesy and boring, just like Total Recall. Not only do we have the director of four (there are four of these Underworld films...and a fifth in the works!) underwhelming action movies but also the star: Beckinsale. And the villain: Bill Nighy (he has a small role in Recall). So I guess if you like the Underworld movies you will dig Recall. If you think the Underworld movies are lame, don't go see Recall.

          Another side note: Sharon Stone plays Beckinsale's character in the original Total Recall, in case you didn't know.